Back to the Future For Buffalo News Carrier

An 81-year-old Grand Island woman has her newspaper carrier to thank for potentially saving her life by noticing her paper hadn't been picked up. Joseph Rains, a seventh grader in the Buffalo suburb of Grand Island (yes, technically, an island, and also, technically owned by Native Americans) was delivering a special Monday holiday edition of the News when he noticed a previous paper had been untouched. Then he heard some mysterious banging coming from inside the house. Concerned, he consulted his chaffeur (technically, "mom") who was was driving him around on his route that morning. She contacted the local authorities, who responded and found that Audrey Yehle had fallen inside her house and (yes, technically "couldn't get up" -- just like that doddering commercial for emergency alert services always warned us could happen!) Instead of fancy technology, she had utilized an ordinary household broomstick to attract her paperboy's attention. (Thank you Glenda, the good witch, for that idea.) The woman just happened to live on "Love Road," leading us to wonder if the late Beatle John Lennon himself was playing guardian angel for the woman, tapping the 12-year-old paperboy on the shoulder. This was such a heart-warming item that it was reported tonight on Keith Olberman's Countdown Show on MSNBC. In his version, the newspaper boy noticed the woman's "Buffalo Courier-Express" hadn't been picked up. So I conclude, technically, that the woman had NOT been lying helpless for a couple days, as reported, but rather must have been there for a couple DECADES. The Courier, you see, has been out of business since 1982. Thanks, Keith, for sending me Back to the Future! Now if only I could score an invite to the Bass Pro Under the Sea Dance.