Things I Am Thankful For

This list is NOT all-inclusive.

• Garbage Pickup.
• Being able to do a complete mental body scan and being able to say, "Nothing hurts!"
• My family, immediate and extended. My Family: Born Weird! His Family: They think they're normal! Our Family: "How about HAPPY?!"
• Faith. I didn't realize having faith was gonna take so much FAITH. If I'd known, I might have settled for Faith Lite. Meanwhile, I'm working on my Persecution Complex.
• All that nice weather between hurricanes.
• Permanent Press. Although I think I would ignore wrinkles either way. Is Botox the facial version of Permanent Press? Because you have to get your face-freezing botulism spores re-injected every so often, I guess it would at best be a Temporary Press.
• Not having to worry about where my next meal is coming from, or where our plumbing waste is going to. That when I turn on the tap something comes out, and it's clean.
• The roof is still attached to my house, and it isn't BLUE.
• My mother-in-law is a fantastic cook, and she did the Thanksgiving Dinner.
• The reinvigoration of every known holiday and special occasion by virtue of my children. The Easter Bunny has spring in his (her?) step! Santa Claus is Jesus' Chief Procurement Officer! Martin Luther King Jr. is our best buddy! The presidents sure know how to plan a fun weekend! St. Patrick is the best green dude this side of Gumby! Easter is the reason for a really long church service and a fabulous egg hunt! The Fourth of July is a great time to store explosives in the garage! Labor Day is all play and no work! The Halloween Anticipation Season kicks off on September first! We don't like Pilgrim Outfits but it doesn't matter if we get the bigger half of the turkey wishbone on Thanksgiving! Birthdays last a minimum of a week, and with luck can be extended to last an entire month! And so forth.
• High-speed internet. Without it, I'm just another hearts player.
• Recipe sites on the internet. Now you only need to buy cookbooks for the pictures.
• The Triple A. This year we were on a first-name basis.
• Air conditioning. Without it Florida is not habitable by anything but rain forest critters.
• Catalogs. I dislike crowds. I dislike shopping crowds even more. I hate waiting in long lines with shopping crowds the most.
• That every time I clean my closet I find at least 20 bucks or a dinner gift certificate to make it worth my while.
• Caller I.D. We can now interrupt ourselves only for friends and family.
• Drive-through anything. With kids and carseats, any transaction you can complete through a car window is a blessing.
• The football season. It takes my mind off the bird flu.
• Floss.