Saturday, November 20, 2004

The Abominable 3-Year-Old

The 3-year-old was missing briefly from the normal sightlines inside the house. He was not in any of his favorite areas, such as the playroom, the breakfast bar, or balanced upside down in the brown easy chair in front of the TV. After some scouting I was able to detect faint noises. Industrious noises, coming from the area of the master bath. As I approached, the hall leading to the bathroom appeared to be shrouded in mist. I called his name. I hadn't located him yet, but I could hear him. "I was sweating," he called. "But now I have SUPERPOWERS." I entered the bathroom. Peered through the fog. It was not a damp fog. It was more of a dry fog. The bathroom looked as though a cloud had descended. Or perhaps a light snowfall had occurred. Maybe a controlled demolition project, or even a close-range nuclear blast with fallout. The 3-year-old was covered in baby powder. He had gone prematurely gray. His clothes were pleasantly dusted with fluffy whiteness. His eyes appeared in blinking brilliance amongst the background. He seemed pleased at his new-found superpowers. He dropped the container of powder and bolted from the room, a miniature snowman come to life. There were bare footprints in the whiteness. I tried to say his name, but strangled on the powder dust. I surveyed the bathscape. Floor, counters, tub...everything smelled so fresh. Like a herd of babies had decided to hold an impromptu political convention in our bathroom. I regained my breath and followed the white tracks. The 3-year-old is In Trouble.

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