Shall We Do Lunch?

Wow, time flies when you're busy. Did I really just lose two weeks of my life? Yes, I did! I was working on an important project that just got "put to bed" this morning. (i.e. it's in the U.S. Mail and officially out of my hands, hoho) So my apologies for being a Bad Blogger while I was off in my Mad Writing Scientist Lab. We'll see what the contents of the Test Tube yield! After the post office my next stop was (dramatic pause)....Kindergarten Lunch! Yes, the 5-year-old was very anxious to have a parent attend his lunch, and he had accumulated enough stars on his behavior chart that it was time for me to go. I did not wear nearly enough armor. Boy, it has been a long time since I've been at a Grammar School Lunch. Let's just say it was louder than my 3-year-old at Full Throttle. I should've worn hearing protection! Picture 70 kids under the age of eight all screaming at once. In a room with no carpeting. I thought my glasses were going to shatter from the reverb alone. Each time my son would say something to me and point off in a direction I would have to shout at him "You need to keep your mouth RIGHT NEXT TO MY EAR OR I CAN'T HEAR YOU." This would be a very good time to know American Sign Language. Or at least You're In Trouble With the Lunch Lady Sign Language. I got to sit with my son and his friends. It did not escape my attention that all the girls wanted to sit with him. I had to fight for a spot! Attention all mothers of 5-year-old girls: He will NOT be dating until he's 30. So don't start calling about the prom. The girls were all chatty and even (egads) flirty. Or maybe they were just practicing for their teen years. Now one boy in particular I noticed because he was not so interested in his lunch. He spent most of the lunch period hopping up and down and making weird faces. I thought maybe something was wrong with him, but every so often he would stop to see if he was getting a reaction. (from me, I guess.) I just smiled pleasantly. Because I knew I was leaving in 20 minutes and he was not my kid. I got the full nostalgia effect of this lunch, too, because there was even one kid who threw up. This caused the Lunch Lady to scowl when she heard about it, and then she went to get some foul-smelling Crumbly Stuff to throw on the Affected Area. (I don't know why they use foul-smelling stuff to cover up the odor of foul-smelling stuff.) Plus I had to avert my eyes from the kid with the runny nose because I had no tissues and he seemed oblivious to the problem. At the end of the meal there was a prayer, which threw me off a little because I'm used to them at the beginning. A trio of kindergarteners led the room, and I noticed that they use the same cadence for "The Holy Spirit" as you would for "I pledge allegiance." After they were done the room broke into a round of applause. Not sure if that was for the kindergarteners or the Holy Spirit. There is no way the Lunch Lady gets paid enough money. I hope she has hearing protection.