Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Can We Put That In Quotes?

So many fun things were said in 2004 it is hard to limit ourselves to reviewing just ten of them, but here they are, in no particular order: 10) "This is the best election night in history." Democratic National Committee chairman Terry McAuliffe, after the exit polls but before the votes were tallied. Comment: Perhaps for the Republicans. 9) ""Not only are we going to New Hampshire ... we're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and we're going to California and Texas and New York! And we're going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan. And then we're going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House, Yeeeeeaaaaaargh!" Vigorous excerpt from Presidential candidate Howard Dean's Iowa concession speech. Comment: The media saw the whites of Howard Dean's eyes and begain firing accordingly. 8) This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex." Folksy Uber-Journalist Dan Rather, creating a timely picture for CBS election night viewers. Comment: The safety of Vioxx and other pricey pain relievers is as well documented as a Dan Rather muck-raking report. 7) "As you know, you go with the army you have, not the army you might want, or wish to have at a later time." Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, commenting on U.S. troops lack of vehicle armor in Iraq. Comment: You answer questions with the brain currently residing in your skull, not the brain you might want, wish to have at a later time, or one which actually thinks before sending the "speak" signal to the mouth. 6) "You've done a nice job decorating the White House." Pop singer and Buffalo Wing lover Jessica Simpson, upon meeting the U.S. Secretary of the Interior. Comment: Jessica is one of the few people who can make Homer Simpson look brilliant. Perhaps there is a fourth Simpson sibling that Marge and Homer haven't told us about? 5) "You bet we might have." Said Senator John Kerry, when asked if he would've gone to war in order to disarm Saddam. Comment: I believe someone asked Kerry last summer if he considered himself indecisive. He has not yet answered this question but is pondering a nuanced response. 4) "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere." President George W. Bush, at the Radio & Television Correspondents Dinner. Comment: And we begin bombing in five minutes. (We'll be winning this one for the Gipper, natch.) 3) "Wolf, be excited. This is JOEMENTUM here in New Hampshire." Presidential Candidate Joe Lieberman, commenting to CNN's Wolf Blitzer prior to his three-way tie for third place in the New Hampshire primary. Comment: I don't know if Wolf was excited, but I personally am thrilled at the new catchphrase JOEMENTUM. 2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." -President George W.Bush. Comment: We can never tell when he's kidding. 1) "I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged." -Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, speaking at Harvard. Comment: Some things just shouldn't be said in a situation where the media are present, even if you are a noted humorist like Justice Scalia. I am sure 2005 will bring us even more exciting statements by the rich and well spoken!