Liz Taylor Dies...but Otherwise is Feeling Fine

Let me state right off that Liz Taylor is alive as I'm typing this. The reason for the misleading headline is an item I read in the paper yesterday. The acclaimed actress has suffered a smorgasbord of health problems for years, most of them chronic conditions. Well the latest news is that she is suffering from congestive heart failure. But you know those cheerful spokespeople, always ready to spin news to the positive. On the heels of this announcement they add, "She's doing well and is moving on." I'm fine with the Doing Well Part. I think I would've even added she is Receiving Treatment. And perhaps, Responding Favorably! But Moving On? Who "moves on" from congestive heart failure? That sounds to me like it's time to buy flowers and compose a eulogy. So that is the point of my headline. I am ready to be some celebrity's Uber-Publicist. "Yes, she's dead, but she looks great!" "Sure, he's up on charges of child molestation, but he's been nominated for Baby-Sitter of the Year by the Incompetent Parents' Guild!" "Of course a stint in rehab is necessary, but he's donating his old blood to ex-heroin addicts." "Yeah, he grazed a pedestrian with his Hummer, but he was trying to put a stop to jaywalking." "It may LOOK like she's anorexic, but she's really just fasting and praying for world peace." "He wasn't trying to shoot his wife, she had a mosquito on her ear." (That one is just for accused killer Robert Blake.) "It wasn't exactly an affair, she was trying to broaden her husband's appreciation for polygamy." I guess it depends on what the meaning of "Is" ain't.