Shopping Cart Handles Teeming With Microbes

Well, duh. The Microbes have to hang out somewhere. Now that smoking has been banned in most indoor places they no longer have to collect in the bar, slowly getting drunk and trying to pick up other Microbes who get increasingly better looking before last call. No, Microbes have gone suburban, like the rest of us. They drive to the local supermarket in an SUV, probably riding buckled in the backseat with the kids. Two sneezes later and they are breezing through the cereal aisle on the shopping cart handles, waiting to be invited to some other family. They just discovered this NOW? Approximately half a century after the invention of the shopping cart? Well past the era of polio? No. They just did a "report" on this recently, and no one had noticed the microbes on the shopping carts except Sarah Jessica Parker, who has other people to do the shopping for her anyway. (Most notably NOT Matthew Broderick, who apparently does nothing to contribute to staying alive. She has to do everything but breathe for him, as he is kind of helpless. He is however very good at projecting his lines, so it is good he is doing his own breathing.) So now that everyone has been made aware of the Microbe Problem, we have moved on to the Sanitizing Wipe Solution. (Perhaps the sanitizing wipe industry has been smart enough to initiate the Microbe Studies? Maybe they have even been planting a few Microbes in surreptitious shopping expeditions?) A local supermarket here in Lakeland has been progressive enough to provide an entire container full of wipes for the shopping population! Unfortunately this is supposed to be the supply for the month, and it is usually gone early Monday morning after all the mothers with toddlers have shopped. But a helpful grocery spokesperson has pointed out that we can always "ask" a cashier or customer service person for a free wipe. Oh yes! I will stand in line behind the people wanting returns, lotto tickets and directions to Disney World so I can watch the customer service person roll his or her eyes as they daintily hand me "a wipe." Or better yet, I will try to get a cashier's attention by standing at the bagging area and waving my arms with Windshield Wiper Style Sweeps. Or I'll perform jumping jacks! That sounds likely. I think the "normal person" (and we don't see so many of those these days) would just bring some wipes in her purse. OR! Maybe use a little hand sanitizing solution AFTER the shopping trip. Or better yet (and this is my preferred option) NOT worry about it until the next flu outbreak or SARS scare. Because unless you are living in a hermetically sterilized jar like Michael Jackson's NeverMetAGermICouldDealWithLand, you are gonna come in contact with the Microbe Community. And I already know the solution to that, because my parents imparted the prevailing wisdom when I was approximately at the toddler intelligence level. Wash your hands before dinner.