911: Policeman "Hand Tossed" by Granny

Sometimes it's a little too easy to dial 911. That's what dispatchers in Charlotte, North Carolina must think after fielding repeated calls relating to a pizza delivery dispute. Perhaps Charlotte needs it's very own Carbohydrate Ombudsman. An 86-year-old woman recently dialed the emergency service more than 20 times in half an hour. Her complaint? A local pizzeria refused to deliver to her apartment. To add insult to lack of delivery, an employee allegedly called her "a crazy old coot." The woman demanded that 911 dispatchers send someone to make an immediate arrest. Finally, a 911 operator complied with her request. A member of the local police force made his way to the woman's South Charlotte apartment and proceeded to arrest her. But not without a fight! Apparently the increasingly hungry Crazy Old Coot attacked the arresting officer with all the strength contained in her 5-foot tall, 98-pound body. She succeeded in kicking, scratching and biting him. When my toddler does this I hold him upside down -- perhaps a rush of blood to this woman's brain would have improved matters. A rabies shot may not be a bad idea, either. Question: As long as the arresting officer was busy wasting taxpayer money by making a personal visit to this woman's pizza-deprived residence, could he not have swung by the pizzeria and picked up the darned order? Then instead of flesh wounds he might have earned a tip! A little rage goes a long way -- you can hardly blame a pizza aficionado with this much devotion from getting a little testy. Once tempers have cooled I think the pizzeria should hire this woman as a spokesperson in its Crazy Old Coot Campaign. If she wants this joint's pizza badly enough to tie up the 911 system and engage in hand-to-hand combat with a police officer, well, that's the kind of enthusiasm you can't conjure up with any ordinary pizza. "Even 911 Isn't Fast Enough When You're In the Mood for Joe's Pizza!" It's an idea I had to toss out there and see if it stuck to the ceiling.