Finger Lickin' Thoughts

Do you think anyone drives through at Wendy's now and orders a bowl of Severed Fingers, Extra Spicy? Of course no one was surprised to discover the impotency drug viagra causes vision loss. Didn't everyone's parents tell them that fiddling with God's marriage-ordained equipment would make you go blind? Scientists are only now acknoweldging that fact. Kansas' Darwinists are again battling the Intelligent Design Crowd over what should be taught in schools. Apparently the Darwinists' plan is to make the pro-God crowd look like boobs on the order of the Missing Link. Problem is, there IS no missing link, leaving evolution to be a theory. As is Intelligent Design. Not quite sure why Darwinists are so intent on having evolution taught as dogma when there are enough Gaps in the theory to clothe every highschooler in America. Just heard Anne Rice, famous for authoring fictional books featuring vampires and other sundry undead, is now taking on the early life of Jesus Christ. In first person format! "Walked across the pond to fetch some eggs for breakfast. Not quite sure why I can defy gravity, but there's something in the scrolls about a Savior being born in Bethlehem. Wonder if I'm It?" The protests should be starting any minute now. But when you think about it, C.S. Lewis took on the devil's thoughts in the Screwtape Letters, so there's precedent for authors speculating what the Major Players behind good and evil are thinking. In other religious news a football club owner from Romania has asked a local artist to portray him in a painting reminiscent of DaVinci's Last Supper, surrounded by eleven of his players plus the team's coach. Considering what people spend most of their time doing on Sundays, this seems sadly appropriate. Greek authorities are upset because some cheapo household irons purchased from China are so shoddy that Greek citizens are experiencing massive shocks, and sometimes death, and all because they've taken the trouble to actually iron their clothes. (Yoo hoo! Permanent Press!) I sure as heck wouldn't want to be electrocuted while doing a mundane household task. Another of my growing list of reasons why the ironing can wait. Note to defense department: forget the nukes. Please look out for suspicious shipments of inexpensive Chinese irons. A clever Ukrainian drug smuggling effort was foiled recently. Seems some handy housewives were drying out marijauna leaves, packing them into small plastic bags, and then shipping them in giant glass containers filled with ordinary pickles. The scheme ended when plainclothes police dressed as pickle enthusiasts bought the contraband.